Understanding Is All We Need
by Azara-Rayne18
Summary: Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan are more than friends. Not lovers, but more than friends. And when Morgan is almost killed, something changes for Reid. Will Morgan ever be able to understand? And what happens when Derek almost loses Spencer?
1. More Than Friends

Reid didn't come up to him after the crises had ended. Before the smoke had cleared and the unsub taken into custody, no one talked to Morgan. The job, after all, was their first priority.

But afterwards everyone but Reid had something to say to him. Hotch had asked him if he needed time off from work to rearrange his thoughts. Rossi had given him a pat on the back and a "good job". Prentiss and JJ had fussed over him relentlessly, and Garcia had actually knocked over three interns in order to tackle him when he got home. Morgan had to rub her back for twenty minutes straight to get her to stop sobbing into his shoulder.

"You could have been killed!" Garcia moaned.

"I know, baby girl, but I'm fine," Morgan said. And in the most basic way, that was true.

He had been involved in what the FBI termed a "hostage situation". For forty-five minutes, he and three other agents had been held at gunpoint by a psychotic unsub. For forty-five minutes, Earl Dayton had screamed and swore that if the FBI came any closer, he was going to put a bullet through Agent Amanda Reyes' head. Morgan would have tackled him right then and there, but he had Amanda by the throat, and the risk that he would kill her before Morgan got him subdued was too great. Amanda wasn't a member of his team, but she was a good agent, and she didn't deserve to go that way.

The climax of the situation occurred when Dayton had thrown Amanda to the side and aimed the gun at Morgan. It was crazy, but the only thing Morgan could think about during the split second he was sure he was going to die was, 'I'll never see Spencer again…'

Reid. He was a whole different problem. Reid had stormed into the room with the rest of them, but he didn't go to Morgan, instead concentrating on keeping Dayton neutralized. It had been three days, and Reid wouldn't even talk to him. It hurt, in a weird, hollow way that Morgan didn't understand, but at the same time, it wasn't like he had expected any different.

He and Spencer were more than friends. They weren't lovers, not by a long stretch, but they were definitely more than just friends. Friends didn't spend hours together like they did. Friends didn't kiss and hold hands and talk about… everything. Things Morgan couldn't even talk to a girlfriend about. Things only Spencer with his genius brain and soft lips and huge, caring eyes could understand.

They hadn't had sex. That was something Morgan was sure Spencer didn't want, and that was not what Morgan needed from him. He needed Spencer because Spencer understood him. All of him, even the parts that Spencer didn't like. And he understood Spencer.

And that was what was bothering him, Morgan decided. It was that, for once in a long time, he couldn't understand why Spencer was doing what he was doing. After a case like this, Spencer was always at his apartment with hot food and a warm smile, ready to talk things over with him and kiss away his fear and confusion.

Morgan wanted to blame all of his feelings on the fact that he couldn't understand what Reid was getting at. Everything, including the way his heart leaped into overdrive when he heard the doorbell, and saw Spencer standing on his porch.

"Hi, Spencer," Morgan said. His voice sounded almost shy, using that tone he reserved for when he used Reid's first name, when he and Spencer were alone.

"Hello, Derek," Spencer said.

"Are you okay?" Morgan asked, stepping aside as Spencer invited himself into his home. Spencer's eyes were almost wild, unshed tears glistening madly in the overhead light as he turned back to look at Morgan.

"No," He said. And then he lunged at Morgan, pulling him into a kiss so desperate, so hungry, so cryptic that it made Morgan's knees weak.

That night was the first time they'd done it. Not made love, though no other word sounded right to Morgan as he lay staring at the ceiling. It really shouldn't have been as good as it was, considering that Spencer was crying half the time and begging him not to stop the other half. But it was good, very good, possibly the best Morgan had ever had. And it wasn't just that Spencer was good in bed – he was, by the way. It was the fact that, for the first time, Morgan spent the entire act thinking about Spencer, and it was obvious that Spencer was only thinking about him.

"Derek?" Spencer whispered from beside him.

"Yes, baby boy?" Morgan said.

"I can't come over here anymore," Spencer said. "You know that, right?"

Morgan had expected Spencer to say something like that, but it made his stomach clench unpleasantly all the same. "Why?" Morgan said.

Spencer took a long, shaky breath. "Morg – Derek. For forty-five minutes, I thought you were going to die. I was sick, and terrified. The only thing I could think about is that I would never get the chance to be with you again… something changed for me, Derek. I can't be your friend anymore or even… whatever we are right now. Please don't think this is something you did wrong."

Morgan stared at him, feeling his insides twist harshly. "I don't understand," He said, wincing at how childish he sounded.

"I know," Spencer sighed, "But maybe someday you will. If that happens, come talk to me, but until then, I can't be with you anymore. I have to leave tomorrow." Morgan nodded and buried his face into Reid's stomach. Spencer wrapped his arms around Morgan, hummed until he was on the verge of falling asleep, then whispered, "I love you."

But that couldn't be right. Derek and Spencer were not in love. They were more than friends, but not in love. Morgan didn't understand any of this. Yet somehow it was enough to make him relax and fall into the best sleep he'd had since before the crises.

When he woke up, Spencer was gone.


	2. Morgan's Worst Nightmare

Morgan tried not to be angry with Reid. After all, people broke up all the time, for multiple reasons – Morgan himself was a prime example of this.

With Reid it was different, of course - because they had never been together in the first place and because, well, it was Reid. Spencer had always been such an open book, and now Morgan felt like he barely knew him. Reid didn't talk to him anymore unless he had to, he avoided him like the plague, and it was really starting to get to him. Especially today.

"Hello, my Chocolate God of Thunder," Penelope Garcia crooned from the computer screen in front of him.

"Don't call me that!" Morgan snapped.

Garcia's eyebrows rose. Then settled back down as she worked it out. "What- oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Morgan sighed and ran a hand over his face, "Today has just been an unbelievably bad day."

"Want to talk about it?" Garcia asked.

Morgan sighed. There wasn't much to talk about. Five men were dead, all of them black. The team – and consequently, Morgan - knew that the crime was motivated by race, but it wasn't until they started doing interviews that they realized how bad it was. Turns out, half the town was involved in a white supremacy group.

Luckily for Morgan, the group itself wasn't particularly violent. It was pretty clear that for most of its members, being involved meant sitting around with beers in their hands exchanging racial slurs and jokes. The crimes were from one member who had gone overboard with his hatred. But the fact that they didn't want to kill Morgan didn't mean they were inviting him in and setting down cookies.

"It's been a nightmare and a half catching this guy," Morgan said. "Hotch had to send me back to the station because none of our witnesses would talk if I was in the room. But the fact that there's a black guy on the FBI team has gotten around, and now most of them won't even open their doors. Hotch is worried that they're going to try doing something to me; he told me he's thinking about sending me back to Quantico if this keeps up."

"And you don't want to go home yet?" Garcia guessed.

"Yes and no. I want to catch this guy, but at the same time, I feel like I'm about to lose my mind here. I mean, I'm from Chicago, it's not like I've never been judged based on my skin color. But here it's everyone. I'm in the police station, and I am sitting here with the whole room to myself because half the guys on the force can't stand being in the same room as me."

"Are you serious?" Garcia said, her dark eyes wide with disbelief, "My baby without any human company, that's criminal! Do I need to come down and start whooping somebody?"

"No, mama," Morgan grinned; having Garcia so enraged on his behalf was actually making him feel better. "A kid came over with a package for me to sign, so I've had one person to talk to. I suppose that will have to do until I get back home."

Morgan held up the package to show Garcia. It was plain, his name written in ink on the top along with the address of the police station.

"Oooooo, a mystery package. Sounds naughty," Garcia purred.

"Actually, I think it's just the evidence I requested from the Anderson house. You know, where the second victim was killed? I'm waiting to open it until I absolutely have to. You know how your baby gets when it comes to desk work."

"Don't I ever," Garcia said. "Well, chipper up, sweet cheeks. You won't be doing desk work for much longer. I've narrowed it down, and there are only about ten of these racist sons of biscuit-eaters that fit your profile. Hotch and the team are narrowing it down now, so… what is that?"

Garcia paused, and Morgan heard it, too. The rustle of someone moving, and the angry clack of shoes on the hall floor. "I don't know. I gotta go, baby girl. I've got a profile to work," Morgan said.

"Alright, my vision. Don't lose hope. Soon you will be in the arms of your stunningly gorgeous tech genius. Ciao, my love." And the screen blinked out, leaving Morgan alone again.

But it wasn't for long. The angry footsteps turned out to be Hotch, who was dragging behind him a severely pissed off and bleeding Reid.

Morgan stood up immediately – if someone attacked Spencer, he was going to run out of this police station and rip the guy apart, white supremacy group or not. Before he had the chance to analyze the heavy rage coursing through his veins, Hotch had spun Reid around and was yelling at him.

"Are you crazy?" Hotch screamed, standing inches away from Reid's face. Reid glowered back, looking more severe with a bruised cheek and bloodied nose.

"Am I crazy?" Reid said, eyes widening in disbelief, "Hotch, did you hear what that guy said?"

"Yes, and it was out of line, but you are a federal agent Reid. You're lucky I don't suspend you - "

"Wait, what is going on?" Morgan asked. He was completely confused, and not to fond of being talked over like he wasn't even there. Reid and Hotch both looked at him for a moment. Reid dropped his gaze to the floor almost immediately.

"Reid's going to stay here with you until it's time to make the arrest," Hotch said coldly, "It's obvious that he can't control himself."

"Yeah, but why, Hotch. What did Reid do?"

"He attacked a witness," Hotch said simply as he walked out the door.

"Ummmm, what?" Morgan asked.

If there was a more intelligent response to that little fact, Morgan didn't know what it was. Reid attacking a witness was about as likely as Hotch handing a serial killer a lollipop. Morgan looked at Reid, who was staring at his own feet.

"What happened?" Morgan asked.

"Nothing," Reid said softly. His voice was small, almost fragile, but Morgan didn't care. Spencer wouldn't even look at him. Spencer had just been roughed up and he wouldn't look at him.

"Yeah, nothing. Sure. Okay, I've got another question. What's your problem, Spencer? You don't care about me anymore, is that it?"

Reid's head snapped forward, his eyes widening as he shook his head emphatically. "No, Derek, that's not it - "

"Then what is it? You come to my house freaking out, we have sex, and then you take off and leave me like nothing ever happened? You can't do that to someone, Spencer. I needed you! I needed you and you just left!" Morgan's breathing was beginning to turn rough and uncomfortable and wet, but he didn't care. "I thought you understood."

The words came out soft and broken and each one made Spencer flinch. "Derek, please, you aren't listening…"

"I'm done listening!" Morgan roared. He had to take a deep breath when he saw the tears beginning to pool in Spencer's eyes. Making Spencer cry would be unforgivable, no matter how much the boy hurt him. "You know what, forget it, kid. I've got some evidence to sort through." He pulled out his knife and began sawing through the top of the box.

But the package wasn't evidence. The smell clued him into that. He had to jerk back his hands when dozens of cockroaches crawled out of the top and over his desk. His lunch was officially ruined. At the bottom of the package was a layer of rotting vegetables and a note, addressed to "Agent Morgan".

"Go back to the plantation," Morgan read aloud, then threw it down onto his desk, "Are you kidding me?"

"Are you okay, Derek?" Spencer asked timidly. For someone so smart, that was a really stupid question.

"You stay out of this," Morgan snapped as he bent over to clean up his ruined workspace. "I don't see what it matters to you, anyway. You obviously got what you wanted out of me, so I don't see why you bother pretending to care – Hello!"

The last word was directed at his cell phone, which had begun chirping out its shrill tone a second earlier.

"Hey, Morgan, it's JJ. We've got our unsub. His name is Scott Merrix; he lives on the North side of town."

"Scott Merrix… isn't he the one running for mayor?"

"Yep," JJ said, "That's why Hotch wants you and Reid down here; it's going to be a mess taking this guy in."

"Alright, we'll be right there," Morgan snapped the phone shut and turned to Reid. "Come on, Reid. We've got a psycho to take in."

Scott Merrix's home was true to JJ's prediction. Word had spread quickly, and now the guy's whole yard was swarming with reporters, police officers, and civilians. In the middle of it, Merrix was being led out by a local officer. Morgan walked up to Hotch, not even looking at Reid, who trailed along behind him.

"Thanks, Morgan," Hotch said, "I just need some extra man-power - "

"I want to bring him in," Morgan interrupted. His jaw was tight with determination.

Hotch stared at him, "Are you sure you want to do that, Morgan?"

"I want to get under this guys skin the way he gets under mine," Morgan said. Hotch looked hesitant, but nodded and let Morgan step forward.

Merrix's smug smile disappeared when he saw Morgan's face. "Don't let that thing touch me," Merrix growled.

"Sorry," Morgan grabbed him, "But you don't have a say in the matter." He grabbed one of Merrix's arms and hauled him out into the crowd.

"Derek," Reid was suddenly next to him, the crowd pushing them together, "Please, listens to me."

"This really isn't the time, Reid," Morgan snapped, pushing a struggling Scott Merrix in front of him.

"I know, but I can't let this keep going on between us. I hurt you, and I'm sorry, but I swear, I never meant for you to think that I don't care about you because that isn't true," Reid said.

"Reid, please, for once today, be professional," Hotch snapped coldly. Morgan knew from experience that Reid was bright red with embarrassment.

But the kid didn't know when to quit. "Derek, just listen to me. I'm not done with you. The truth is, I love – Derek, look out!"

It was funny how short a time it took for Morgan's life to change. One minute, Reid was trying to tell him something, the next, the kid's body was flush against his own. Reid was close enough for Morgan to feel his breath on his cheek, to feel the way he gasped and tensed in pain. Morgan felt Reid go limp and fall to the ground, and people were screaming, someone had taken Merrix from him, and another officer was tackling a portly white guy with a bloody knife in his hand.

"Crap," The guy said nervously, "I was aiming for the black guy. If that kid hadn't gotten in the way - "

But one of the officers was lugging the guy away and Morgan looked down.

Hotch was on the ground, desperately trying to wake up Reid. Spencer was pale and still, all except for the growing stain, right by his heart…

"Reid! Reid!" Hotch checked for a pulse, one Morgan could only pray he would find. Officers were surrounding them, and it wasn't until one of them put a hand on Morgan's shoulder that he snapped into consciousness.

"Spencer?" Morgan knelt next to Reid, all but shoving Hotch out of the way as he put his fingers against Spencer's throat. For some odd reason, his heart couldn't beat until he knew Spencer's was. "He's alive!" Morgan said, "Hotch, we need an ambulance!"

"They're on their way, Morgan. Just make sure Reid holds on until they get here." But even though Hotch's tone was even, Morgan could hear the fear in his voice. This was a small town with limited resources. Reid was badly hurt; there was no telling if he would survive this, even after the ambulance got there.

"It's gonna be okay," Morgan whispered against the warm body he was cradling. His fingers were tight against Spencer's jugular; suddenly, Reid's heartbeat was the only thing in his world that mattered.

The heartbeat that was starting to slow.


	3. Possibly Love

"Eugene Garson was one of the group's older members. He wasn't involved in the murders, but he worshipped Merrix. Seeing a black man take Merrix down must have made him snap. He tried to attack Morgan, but since Reid was in the way…" Hotch trailed off, his brow drawn in concern.

Morgan stared at the faces around him, his gut clenching and releasing in an agonizing rhythm. They were all sitting in the hospital's one small waiting room, waiting for news on whether Reid would survive. Garson's knife had hit Spencer right beneath his heart, and Hotch, who had been riding with Reid in the ambulance, said it didn't look good.

Morgan wanted to ride with Spencer, but the paramedics wouldn't let him. It had taken everyone on the team in a united front to convince the hospital staff to let Morgan sit in the waiting room, and the woman behind the desk kept sneaking dark looks at him like she was certain he was preparing to rob the place. At the back of Morgan's mind, he remembered Spencer telling him that there were 500 African-Americans living in this town.

"How can 500 people live like this?" He asked Rossi, who was sitting next to him.

"You know, there are things that people can miss if they're too involved in what's going on with their own lives," Rossi said.

"I don't see how anyone could miss something so important," Morgan said.

Morgan had the sinking feeling if it hadn't been for where they were Rossi would be smirking at him, "That's why I like my place in this team. As a relative outsider, I see things about you that you don't often see in yourself."

"Like what?" Morgan asked. Rossi stayed silent for a moment.

"Morgan, did you know that Reid attacked a witness earlier today?" Rossi asked.

"I heard about it," Morgan said, shifting uneasily in his seat. It felt wrong, talking about Spencer while he was fighting for his life in the next room.

"Well, I was there, Morgan. And I know this is going to be hard for you hear, but it's about time someone made this clear for you."

"Rossi, what are you talking about?" Morgan said.

"Reid attacked that man because he was insulting you," Rossi said bluntly."He was… discussing how your assets might be better served off the force… as his sexual slave."

"What?"

"I believe his exact words were, 'If that – I don't think the racial term he used is necessary – spent ten minutes with a real white man, he would be on his knees and sucking like the whore he is.'"

"And Reid attacked the guy over that?" Morgan said.

"Morgan, Reid was ready to kill the guy over that. It took Hotch and myself just to pull him off," Rossi said. "But that's not the only thing I came over here to tell you."

"Okay, what do you need to tell me, then?" Morgan sighed. He was trying hard not to show it, but the last thing he wanted was to be sitting here talking to Rossi about Spencer. In a perfect world, he would be on the other side of that doorway, holding Reid's hand and telling him that everything would be okay, watching to make sure that those doctors – with their scalpels as sharp as the knife that put Reid here in the first place – were fixing him and not hurting him even worse. He wanted to make sure that those doctors did their job and didn't give up on him, because Spencer was far too precious to give up on.

In a perfect world, he would be the one lying on that table, and Spencer would be out here. Safe. Morgan would have given anything to see Spencer safe.

"I had Garcia look over some of the footage from the news cameras earlier today, and she discovered an alarming pattern - "

"Wait, wait, a second," Morgan interrupted, standing up and backing away, "You had my baby girl watch that? Are you crazy?" The woman at the desk started and reached behind her desk, most likely for a button to get him escorted out.

"Morgan, listen to me," Rossi stood up with him, reached out his hand. Listen to me. It was the same thing Spencer had said, and Morgan had ignored him. He'd hurt Spencer, and now his best friend, his more than friend, his baby boy was lying there in a room with his chest cut open and doctors and what if he was scared and what if he died without Morgan ever getting the chance to tell him that he loved him and –

What had he just thought?

"No, Rossi," Morgan snapped, walking towards the hall, "You think you know me and Spencer? You think you know anything? Well, guess again, old timer. I'm through listening."

"Reid wasn't in the attacker's way," Rossi said.

"What?" Morgan said.

He wanted to shut down. To walk out of the door and not come back. But Spencer needed him, and Morgan had hurt him. The need to protect him from anymore hurt was like an anchor, grounding him to the hospital and forcing him to listen to whatever Rossi had to say.

"When Garson came at you with the knife. Reid wasn't in his way. He was standing just behind you, and Garson was coming at your front. Reid saw Garson and moved in front of you. He knowingly took that knife for you," Rossi explained.

"Why would he do that?" Morgan asked.

"That's what I was wondering. I had Garcia run some calculations, and it turns out that if the knife had made impact with your body, Garson would have driven it through your heart. You would have died within seconds, and even if you survived, in this town there's no way you would have received proper care. Either way, you would have died," Rossi said. His eyes were shrewd and mournful.

"… But the knife hit just below Reid's heart," Morgan whispered.

"Reid is taller than you are. He must have run the calculations in his head and realized that he stood a better chance of survival," Rossi said.

But Morgan was already shaking his head.

"No, man," He said. He sounded like he was begging, "No, Reid wouldn't do that. He's not stupid; he wouldn't risk his life like that. I mean, I know he's done some crazy stunts in the past… but this was suicide. There's no way he would have done this - "

"He would," Rossi interrupted gently, "If it meant saving your life. In fact, I'm willing to bet that there's nothing in the world Spencer Reid wouldn't do for you. I'm pretty sure that if you think hard, Derek, you'll figure out why."

Morgan collapsed into the nearest chair. He knew the team was probably staring at him, but he needed time to process this. There was a possibility, but Morgan couldn't believe it was true. It was so much easier to believe that Spencer didn't care about him anymore, but was it possible…

Was Spencer in love with him?

And why did that make him so happy?

The doctor walked out in spotless scrubs. His hair was immaculate, both shielding Morgan from the reality of the situation and making him doubt that the doctor had been helping Spencer at all. Which wouldn't bother him, as long as Spencer was alright.

Please, let him be alright.

"Dr. Spencer Reid?" The doctor called.


	4. Revelations

"Dr. Reid survived the surgery. Barely. Now, I hope you won't find me negative, but I feel it important to be honest with you. Dr. Reid is in critical condition. He's currently in a medically induced coma, which we'll try to pull him out of in a few days. If you would like to see him, I can take you to his room, but be warned; it's not the prettiest sight.

Morgan had to keep all his wits about him to keep him from laughing. Spencer, not looking pretty? It was impossible. Spencer was always beautiful; no accident could change that.

Still, even Morgan had to admit that this wasn't the best his pretty boy had ever looked. Pale in a way Derek had only seen on movie screens, hooked up to too many machines to count and unmoving in a way that was simply not natural.

'And he's here because of you,' Derek told himself.

It was that more than anything that made him slide into place beside Reid's bedside; it was that that made him grip Reid's hand like it was the only thing that mattered. Because, in a way, it was. And as much as Morgan didn't want to be here, in this town or in this hospital room, he couldn't bear to leave. Because here was where Reid was.

The team originally tried to set up shifts, deciding it would be healthiest to stay with Reid in groups of two for two hours each. But when the group asked Morgan when he would like to take his shift, all the man said was a calm 'no' before he went back to his activity of choice – gazing at Reid as he clung to his hand like a lifeline.

It was a credit to how long the team had been working that they knew the slightest push could make Morgan snap. The team opted for a new strategy; each team member spent three hours there and Morgan took the 24/7 shift. The group looked to Morgan for approval; all they got was a curt nod.

As far as Morgan was concerned, it didn't matter which member of the team was sitting across from him. All that mattered was the machine that beeped with every beat of Spencer's battered heart.

In a way, Morgan was glad that Spencer wouldn't be waking up any time soon. He needed time to sort out the new feelings Spencer's injury had caused in him. He felt insanely protective of Spencer – even the slightest movement of the team member across from him made him tense and hover over Spencer's motionless form. But that wasn't anything new; Morgan had always felt responsible for the kid.

Then there was the burning physical attraction. Even pale and sick, Spencer was so beautiful; the very sight of him caused Morgan to feel a strange yearning in the pit of his stomach. But that wasn't anything new either – they'd had sex after all. Just the memory of that night made Morgan shift in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable.

No, the new feelings were unprecedented. Like the fact that Morgan's radar for anyone else seemed to have been broken. Two of Reid's three nurses would have definitely scored a seven or more on Morgan's 1 to 10 scale, but now he barely saw them. The only person he wanted was Reid, and all he wanted was for Reid to want him back.

And what was worse, Morgan had the odd feeling that these events were permanent.

He was still thinking about it when Hotch pulled up a chair. Morgan could swear Hotch's two eyebrows were becoming one entity, the way he had them constantly furrowed.

"Are you alright?" The question came from Hotch, which startled Morgan into making a legitimate answer.

"You know, I would have expected JJ or Rossi to ask me something like that. Not you," Morgan said. Hotch's mouth twitched as he watched Morgan stare longingly at Reid. On anyone else, it might have turned into a smile.

"I do care about you, Morgan. And not just because you're a valuable member of my team. I consider you a friend, Morgan, and I take an interest when my friends are in pain." Morgan looked at Hotch, waiting for his serious façade to crack, but he seemed serious. Morgan sighed and settled back, staring morosely at Reid's motionless face.

"It's my fault he's here," Morgan said. It was the first time he said it out loud, and the words stunned him, causing physical pain on their way out of him.

"How do you figure that?" Hotch asked, his dark eyes boring holes into Morgan's skull.

"I should have left this town when I had the chance. I knew I was threatening the well being of the team by existing here, and not only did I stay, but I was the one who asked to take the guy into custody. If I hadn't done that, Reid would be here right now and not… wherever he is right now." Morgan gestured to Reid helplessly.

Hotch sighed. "If that's the case, I'm as guilty as you are. I should have sent you home, Morgan. You could have been killed, but I was being selfish. And I could have stopped you from taking the guy in, but hey, I liked the poetic justice almost as much as you did."

"I yelled at Reid. Before he got stabbed trying to protect me. I accused him of not caring about me." Reid lying there was proof of how wrong he was. Morgan laughed in a cold, dark way. The laugh scared him, it wasn't his.

"I yelled at him for trying to protect you… look, Morgan. I may not be in love with him, but I'm with you in everything else. You need support right now, and I'm willing to support you," Hotch said. Morgan stared at him.

"What did you just say?" Morgan asked.

"I want to support you - "

"No, before that."

"I'm not in love with Reid."

"Well, neither am I," Morgan said.

It was Hotch's turn to stare, "Morgan…"

"I'm not in love with him," Morgan said.

"Morgan, I understand that you are going through a lot right now, but I think you need to face the facts…"

"Hotch, please," To Morgan's shame, he could feel hot tears beginning to prickle at the back of his eyes. He looked down at Reid, and clenched his eyes tightly shut so that they wouldn't fall. "I'm not in love with him."

"Okay, you're not," Hotch said softly. But it was too late. The damage had been done.

Reid was in love with him. Morgan knew that. Yet somehow that possibility – the possibility that he might love Spencer back was way too much for Morgan to handle. Because if that was true – and if Hotch saw it, it must be true, no, don't think like that…

What was he supposed to do now?


	5. Understanding is All We Need

Morgan stayed there when they tried to wake Reid up the first time. The doctor ordered them to stop dripping fluids into Reid's IV, saying he would wake up in about an hour. Morgan was so intent on Reid's face that he didn't look at his watch again until three hours later.

"What's the matter?" Morgan demanded, looking from the doctor's face back to Reid's, "Why isn't he waking up?"

"We're not sure. He's been through a lot in the last few days; his body may not be ready to face it yet," The doctor explained. He was one of the few people in town that actually looked at Morgan like he was a human being, and Morgan was grateful for that.

But that didn't make the doctor's explanation any easier for Morgan to take. All that mattered was that Reid wasn't waking up and the doctors couldn't fix it. "Do you know when he'll be awake?" Morgan asked.

The doctor shook his head, "I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Hotch said, before settling back down in his place at the other side of Reid's bed. Morgan didn't even look up at Hotch – they hadn't talked since Hotch had acknowledged his feelings for Reid. Honestly, Morgan was a little angry at Hotch, and more than a little confused. None of his feelings seemed to make sense anymore.

Reid was a little less pale than yesterday. It was all Morgan had to judge Reid's health by – the fact that he was gaining color. The blips of the machine and sparkling uniformity of printouts meant nothing to him.

"He looks better," Hotch said softly. Morgan nodded, trying to force down the resentment and irritation that Hotch was trying to start a conversation with him. "Look, Morgan, I need to have a serious discussion with you."

Serious discussions were good. Serious discussions provided a reason to sort things out, or at least something new for Morgan to be mad at. Something besides racism and himself and the fact that Reid wasn't waking up and he might never wake up again. Something Morgan could control.

"Alright," Morgan said, "Shoot."

"Well, Dave and I have been talking, and… you know Reid's in love with you, right? You've come to terms with that, haven't you?"

Morgan looked at Reid, "Yeah."

"Good. That'll make this easier…" But Hotch didn't look like he was having an easy time of it. He looked like he was desperately searching for a place to begin.

"Just spit it out, Hotch," Morgan said wearily.

"Alright. If you hurt him, I will make your life at the BAU hell, and you know that's nothing compared to what the girls will do."

Morgan sighed heavily. "I know that, Hotch. Don't you think I know that? I promise that I will never let anything hurt him again."

"That's not what I asked you to do," Hotch said sternly. "The last thing any of us want is for you to be the next one lying in that hospital bed. I'm asking you to control yourself enough to keep yourself from hurting Reid emotionally. He only has so much strength left."

"I understand," Morgan said dully. Then, without warning, he dropped Reid's hand and walked towards the door. He ignored Hotch calling his name, ignored the shocked looks from Rossi and Prentiss as they walked through the door.

"Morgan, Morgan," JJ said, stopping him. "What's wrong?"

"Call me when Reid wakes up; I can't watch him like that anymore," Morgan gasped. JJ must have understood, because she nodded and let him go.

Morgan staggered through the streets, ignoring the way the locals crossed the street when they saw him coming. He must have looked frightening even beyond his dark skin, with the wild, lost look in his eyes. He avoided the bars, he already felt drunk enough without the alcohol surging through his veins.

Hotch's warning had been well meaning and wholly necessary. But it made some very painful things clear to Morgan, things that hadn't been clear before. Reid only had so much strength. To be quite honest, so did Morgan. Neither of them could handle any more hurt. And they had hurt each other already, so deeply.

Morgan felt tears well in his eyes as he thought about the days he was certain Reid didn't care about him. It hurt so much to be without him, but it was clear. He had to stay away from Reid, he couldn't hurt him again. And if he wasn't around, Reid would have no one to shield, so he could be sure this would never happen again.

He could do it, he was sure. Talk to Reid during cases and stay away from him the rest of the time. He could do it. But the very thought of it sent a stab of pain racing through his heart that left him reeling.

The sobs started quiet, leaving him shaking with their force. He didn't want to stay away from Reid. He loved him…

He loved him.

The hospital seemed somehow brighter when he stepped through the doors again. Light seemed clearer, especially now that he knew what he wanted. What he had always wanted.

At the back of his skull was still the nagging doubt that Reid might not want him, but he carefully pushed it aside. His heart was beating much faster than it should be, and took another giant leap at the sound of Hotch's voice.

"Reid, no, stop! The doctors haven't cleared you to leave yet…"

The two men met at the turn of the corner.

Spencer was still in his flimsy paper hospital gown, which was crinkling and pulling in all the wrong ways. But he was alive, his big brown eyes tearing holes in Morgan's soul, in every lie and doubt and fear that Morgan possessed.

"You weren't there when I woke up," Reid said softly.

"I know," Morgan said, staring back into Spencer's impossibly wide eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I was worried about you."

Morgan sighed deeply, "You shouldn't be. I was a jerk to you."

"I know," Spencer said.

"I just- I needed time to decide what I wanted."

"Well, what do you want?" Spencer asked.

Morgan took a shaky breath and looked to his co-workers. They were all staring at him, but there wasn't any judgment in their eyes. Well, except for Hotch, who was silently repeating his promise; hurt him, and I crush you like a bug. If Morgan admitted his feelings here, there would be no turning back.

He was delighted to find that he didn't care about that anymore.

"I want you. I don't want to be just friends, or more than friends. I don't want to sleep with you again, knowing you won't be there when I wake up. I love you, Spencer Reid. I love you so much it hurts and I don't want it to stop and - "

Spencer's soft lips cut off his rambling. Derek melted into the kiss, ignoring the way JJ did a silent victory dance and a shocked Prentiss slipped Rossi something that looked suspiciously like a twenty dollar bill. Only Spencer could make him feel this way, safe and whole and utterly right.

"I love you too," Spencer whispered against Derek's lips before he pulled away. "I love you so much, Derek. And I'm sorry for leaving you before you woke up that night in your apartment. I just-"

"Shhhh," Morgan whispered, pressing his fingers against Spencer's lips. "I understand now." The beam Spencer gave him in return put the flourescent beams above them to shame.

"Well, then," Spencer whispered. "That's all we need."

And that was all they needed to say before Derek and Spencer walked hand in hand back to his hospital bed. The rest of the team waited in the hallway, each of them processing the news in their own way.

"Wait a second," Prentiss said, looking deeply scandalized. "Morgan and Reid slept together?"

"Spencer and Derek sitting in a tree," JJ sang in time to her dance, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage."

"Oh, please." Prentiss said with a groan, "I just got over the fact that Morgan and Reid are sleeping together, I do not need to think of one of them being pregnant. Besides, can you imagine Morgan swaggering around with a baby bump?"

"I'll try not to think about that," JJ laughed, but the smile never left her eyes for a moment. The girls rushed ahead, leaving Hotch standing there trying to keep the smile off of his face and Rossi checking the validity of his crisp new twenty dollar bill.

"You really shouldn't have made that bet with her," Hotch smirked.

"She should have been more up on her game as a profiler," Rossi shrugged. Besides, this is chump change compared to what I'll get when you and Garcia finally get together."

"Wait, what?" Hotch said, but Rossi was already walking away.


End file.
